Ain't It Shiny?
by JustCallMeEli
Summary: A little snippet of zany amusement, written from my boredom a couple of years ago. Best suited for the treatment of monotny. Can also be applied to treat the spread of sanity.


Disclaimer! 1 – I do not, nor am I pretending to own or have power over the names and characters of Firefly and/or Serenity. They are owned and copyrighted by whoever the hell actually owns them (I's forgotted) and I will receive no monetary or any other sort of gain from writing this. Do not sue me. I will flee to Brazil, hence you will get nothing. Yes. I haven't written one of these in a while. So sue me. But really, don't.

Disclaimer! 2 – I wrote this a looooong time ago. Like, pre –Serenity. Yes, it's dated. Yes, it's incomplete. But it made me and my friends giggle, and we think it'll make you and your friends giggle, too. THIS IS NOT A SERIOUS WORK. Please do not be offended if I make fun of something similar to what you have written. In all likelyhood, I've read what you wrote, and immensely enjoyed it. Yes, I will shut up and go away now. Yes, I am a… unpleasant person.

Please read and enjoy. Thank you.

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The crew of the Firefly class transport ship _Serenity _looked up in unison as the giant door of the ship's hold swung suddenly open with a loud 'bang'. Captain Malcom Reynolds glanced around searching the faces of his me...err, wome…err, people, looking for a culprit.

"Who done that? Kaylee?" he asked his innocent and starry-eyed mechanic as she gazed dreamily at the ships doctor. "Kaylee!"

"I wasn't staring! I mean…, err, umm," she blushed "Umm what'd you ask Cap'n?"

"Are you the one who let down that door?"

The little mechanic looked up in confusion and blushed again. "I didn't really notice that it'd fallen."

Suddenly, the wind picked up, wipping the sand from side to side.

Out of no where, a figure appeared in the clouded light.

_Doo do doo do doo, waaw, waaw, waaaaw_

The visage began to move forward up the ramp, becoming more distinct in the false glow of _Serenity'_shold.

_Doo do doo do doo, waaw, waaw-_

"Cut that out Jayne!" the Captain roared, as the figure, now obviously female, strode toward the back of the bay, and subsequently, the crew.

"Weel scu-use me, seemed to be ap'riote at the time" mutter the indignant Jayne. Kaylee giggled, Wash rolled his eyes, Inara ignored him, Zoe shot him a look to kill, Book silently shook his head, Simon wondered if Lynchings were still acceptable in polite company, Mal stood resolutely facing this new threat –type-thingy, and River considered the possibilities of Jayne's new rabbit ears causing him to resemble Momiji-kun. Yet even so, they were not prepared.

The mysterious woman had now made her way across the entire length of the cargo bay floor, and stood nose to nose facing the Captain. The crew drew in an audible gasp. The woman was divinely beautiful, about 5'10, long gold ringlets piled on her head and brilliant green eyes that seemed to shine with their own light. Immediately, there was a stirring of hearts: Mal, Simon, Jayne, Wash, even Book felt something awaken within them at the sight if her, something mythic and eternal. Well, except for Wash, Zoe was pretty quick on the puppy-eyed uptake and soon the only thing stirring within Wash were his new bruises.

The Captain, ignoring both his moaning pilot and his triumphant Second, evened out his breath enough to speak. "You're beautiful" his voice came softly. Immediately three and-a-half pairs of jealous eyes were turned on him, quickly to become three pairs of eyes as Zoe bruised Wash's other eye shut. She shot her Captain a Do-your-job-now-sir-or-respectfully-I'll-throw-you-out-an-airlock look. Shaking his head to clear it, and (ever so covertly) making a sign to ward off the evil eye, Mal tried again.

"Who are you? Why are you here?" his voice only _barely_ shook in adoration. All eyes turned to the mysterious woman as she spoke with a voice like honey. The panting became audible.

"I'll start with the second question first, if you don't mind. I'm here" she said, drawing close, " to show you that there is more to Jayne than there seems" – all eyes, some (Simon) shocked, turned to Jayne who sat squirming – "That River isn't as crazy as she looks" – River looked up from counting munchkins on her fingers at the sound of her name, to meet the eyes of the crew – "That it's ok for Wash and Zoë to start their family now"- Zoë and Wash colored, and Inara started to think up helpful baby name suggestions - " The source of Books vast criminal knowledge" - the good Shepard slowly began to slink into the shadows, whispering fervent instructions to his travel agent - "Inara's dark past" – The graceful companion glanced up, confused, read her script, then looked adequately accused – "That Simon really is a man, somewhere inside" – Simon _would_ have looked offended, but for his worshipping – "And Kaylee, darling, your persistence will win the Doctor in the end" - The jealous eyed Kaylee looked up, pleased, then her woman's heart won over as she muttered" ' She never said _which_ Doctor' – "And you Mal" purred the strange stranger " You have a greater destiny than you could ever realize. And you should stop being a pig and marry Inara, since your both so _obviously_ in love. I mean, I got here five minutes ago, and I'm already sick from the gooey-ness of it all."

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Due to the Sandstorm occurring in this story, there has been a severe disruption of creativity. The author regrets to inform that there will be no story segment. However, the administration has issued this emergency story filler. Do NOT panic. You are requested to go about your normal reading activities. Please be on alert and watchful of similar disruptions in the future. Thank you.

**Insert Funny, Funny, **_**FUNNY!**_** Story here.**

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**THE END-ISH.**


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